Geography has a way of assigning family roles that no one formally chose.
When aging parents need more assistance, the adult child who lives 15 minutes away may gradually become the person who drives them to appointments, handles errands, meets with financial professionals, checks on the house, and responds when something goes wrong. Meanwhile, siblings who live hours away may care just as deeply but participate very differently.
That arrangement can work well for a long time. It can also create resentment, misunderstandings, and questions about fairness that eventually find their way into estate planning conversations.
The Nearby Child Often Becomes the Default
Family caregiving responsibilities rarely arrive all at once.
It can look like this: a parent needs a ride. Then someone has to attend a doctor’s appointment, a bill needs attention, and oh yeah, the refrigerator stops working.
The closest child is usually the easiest person to call.
As those requests accumulate, what began as occasional assistance may become a substantial commitment of time and energy. Other siblings may not fully appreciate how much their brother or sister is doing because they don’t see the day-to-day demands firsthand.
Fair and Equal May Feel Different
Parents sometimes recognize the imbalance and decide they want to compensate the child who has provided more assistance. That might mean leaving that child a larger inheritance or making another financial arrangement.
Those decisions deserve careful thought and communication.
An unequal inheritance may make perfect sense to the parents but come as a surprise to siblings who assumed everything would be divided equally. Conversely, dividing everything equally can leave the caregiving child feeling that years of additional responsibility went unrecognized.
There is no universal formula for what is fair. Family dynamics, financial circumstances, and the amount of assistance provided all influence that decision.
Estate Planning Roles Add Another Layer
The nearby child is also frequently the person parents consider naming as executor or trustee.
Geography makes that an easy choice, but proximity alone shouldn’t determine who receives an important fiduciary role.
The person administering an estate or trust needs the judgment, organizational skills, and temperament required for the job. Naming the same child who has already carried much of the family’s caregiving responsibility also adds another demanding obligation.
Talk About Expectations Before They Become Resentments
Families don’t need to account for every grocery run or doctor’s appointment. They do benefit from acknowledging when one sibling has assumed a substantially larger role.
These conversations are especially valuable when parents update their estate plan. Decisions about inheritances and fiduciary appointments are easier to understand when family members are not learning about the reasoning behind them for the first time after a parent’s death.
Distance inevitably affects how adult children participate in their parents’ lives. Recognizing that difference gives families an opportunity to discuss what each person is doing, what parents expect, and how those realities should influence their estate planning decisions.
About McCormack Law, LLC
McCormack Law, LLC is a boutique estate planning law firm focused on delivering highly personalized, compassionate, and comprehensive estate planning services for individuals, families, and small business owners.
For more information or to schedule a consultation, please contact us today.
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